Loneliness and Spiritual Growth
"I feel lonely."
Nearly everyone has thought those words at some point in life. If you haven’t yet, you more than likely will. Personally, each transition in life and ministry has brought some form of loneliness for me. How we deal with our emotions surrounding our loneliness is a gauge on where we are in our spiritual growth.
Loneliness is a feeling, and feelings and emotions are not evil. God created us with emotions, and they often serve as indicators of where our hearts are set. The problem arises when our emotions become the authority over our lives rather than God's Word. When we allow our feelings to take precedence over God's commands, we elevate our emotions above His truth.
Scripture reminds us that we must be intentional in directing our hearts toward God. Psalm 78:8 describes Israel as "a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God." Likewise, 1 Chronicles 22:19 commands, "Now set your heart and your soul to seek the LORD your God." Our emotions are valuable, but they must always be submitted to the truth of God's Word.
When we ask ourselves why we feel lonely, we must examine the source of our loneliness. Sometimes loneliness is self-imposed, and other times it is circumstantial. Understanding the difference helps us respond biblically.
Self-imposed Loneliness
Self-imposed loneliness often develops when our expectations are not met. It can be fueled by anger, resentment, jealousy, isolation, or the feeling of being burned out and under-appreciated.
An example of self-imposed loneliness is found in Martha in Luke 10:38–42. Martha was busy in the business of "hosting" Jesus in her home, while her sister Mary sat at His feet listening to His teaching. Scripture says that Martha was "cumbered about much serving." The meaning of the word "cumbered" is being drawn away, distracted, over-occupied, or dragged around by many responsibilities.
Rather than enjoying Christ's presence, Martha became consumed with her work. Her frustration eventually boiled over. She became irritated that she was doing all the work while Mary simply sat at Jesus' feet. She isolated herself in her own negative thoughts and grumblings instead of communing with Jesus.
Jesus gently corrected Martha. In Luke 10:41, He said, "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things." The word "careful" means having anxious concern and being consumed with promoting one's own interests. Jesus warned of this same danger in Mark 4:19, where "the cares of this world" choke the Word and make it unfruitful.
The word "troubled" means to be disturbed or disquieted in mind. Martha's loneliness and frustration did not begin with Mary's actions; they began with the condition of her own heart.
Circumstantial Loneliness
Sometimes loneliness is circumstantial. God allows seasons of change in our lives that bring fear, uncertainty, and isolation. These experiences are not always the result of poor choices or personal failure. They simply happen as part of living in a fallen world.
David experienced this kind of loneliness many times while fleeing from Saul. He had done nothing wrong to deserve the persecution or isolation he endured. Many of David's lowest moments came immediately after great victories. During those lonely seasons, David poured out his heart before God.
In Psalm 25:16–21 he prayed, "Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted." He openly acknowledged the troubles of his heart, his affliction, his enemies, and his desperate need for God's deliverance. David placed his trust in the Lord regardless of his circumstances.
David's example teaches us several important truths.
First, he was never afraid to run to God with his troubles. Some of the most desperate prayers in all of Scripture are found in the Psalms because David had a deeply personal relationship with God.
Second, he consistently worshiped the Lord no matter what was happening in his life. In Psalm 63:1-4, he declared, "O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee... Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee." David was desperate for God more than for relief from his circumstances.
Third, David obeyed God even when obedience was costly. In 1 Samuel 24:4-7, David refused to kill Saul, even though his own men encouraged him to do so. He refused to stretch out his hand against the Lord's anointed and kept his men from taking revenge. Loneliness never became an excuse for disobedience.
Ask Yourself
Whether our loneliness is self-imposed or circumstantial, we must ask ourselves honest questions.
First, is what we are believing actually true? Scripture tells us to cast down imaginations and every thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Second, where do we find truth? We find it in God's Word. Psalm 119:160 declares, "Thy word is true from the beginning." We must ask what the Bible says rather than allowing our feelings to define reality.
God's Word reminds us, "The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit" (Psalm 34:18).
So what should we do when we feel lonely?
Like David, we can run to God with our troubles. Psalm 34:15 reminds us, "The eyes of the LORD are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry."
We can acknowledge Him as Lord and worship Him regardless of our circumstances. Psalm 48:10 declares, "According to thy name, O God, so is thy praise unto the ends of the earth."
Finally, we can obey. 1 John 5:3 reminds us, "For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous."
Loneliness does not excuse us from faithful obedience. Instead, even in difficult seasons, we are called to steward those seasons and difficulties well.
As Sherry Trotter has wisely said and lived out, "We can be good stewards, even of the bad and hard circumstances."
Even in loneliness, God remains near, His Word remains true, and His purposes remain good.
Eva Briscoe is a faithful member of Midtown Baptist Temple in Kansas City, MO.
