I grew up in a home with my mother and two sisters and I longed for an older brother – someone who was a sports enthusiast like I was. The closest I ever came to that was found in my childhood best friend, Clarence (“Clay”). He was older than me by two months, but he seemed much older than that to me. He was bigger, faster, and stronger than me. He was also the most popular student in our class, and there was no stage that was too big for him or lights too bright. He did not lack when it came to being bold and confident. Throughout high school, Clarence and I were practically inseparable - where you found one, you found the other. He ultimately became the big brother I had always longed for.

Jesus Christ is the firstborn among many brethren (Rom 8:29). Brethren are family, and in traditional middle eastern culture, whenever a father passed away, the firstborn became head of the family. In this, we observe that in addition to being our Savior and Lord, Christ is also our elder brother. Older siblings often take on the role of mediator between their younger siblings and their parents. As our elder brother, Christ is also our mediator:

1 Tim 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus; 6 Who gave himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time.

The reference to Christ Jesus as “man” refers to His humanity. Jesus is the image of the invisible God (Col 1:15) and as such, He is accessible. Men can know Him, follow Him, and emulate Him.

The role of discipler is parental, but it also calls for the discipler to function as a spiritual older brother/sister. In the eyes of the disciple, the discipler becomes a living testimony (ensample) for them to emulate. The discipler is the elder brother/sister that the disciple can personally know, follow, and emulate. This is important because becoming a disciple indeed can seem daunting to a spiritually young believer. There is a lot to learn, and there is as much to unlearn. But God uses the older spiritual brother/sister to bring Christlikeness within reach to the disciple.

In the role of elder brother/sister in the discipleship process, the discipler should be very intentional in 3 areas:

Be an ensample.

Php 3:17 Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample.

In the local church, the discipler should be one of many living testimonies of a true disciple for the disciple to observe and emulate. However, over the discipleship process, the discipler will become the closest ensample for the disciple to know, follow, and emulate. Therefore, the testimony of the discipler as the elder brother/sister must be blameless. The disciple must be able to see the goals of discipleship exemplified in the life of the discipler. It is often said, “Everything reproduces after its own kind,” and this is true. A blameless discipler will be used by God to make a disciple indeed, and a carnal discipler will grieve the Spirit of God by what is reproduced under the covering of discipleship.

Be available.

Acts 14:28 And there they abode long time with the disciples. Paul and Barnabas returned to their sending church at Antioch to give a report on what God had done during their first missionary journey. Paul and Barnabas had spent a whole year teaching and making disciples in the church at Antioch (Acts 11:26) and had been sent out from there (Acts 13:1-3), so in the eyes of many there, they would have been viewed as elder brothers in the faith. But while Paul and Barnabas were heavily vested in the Lord’s work, they were available to spend quality time with the disciples in the church at Antioch. As the spiritual older brother/sister, the discipler must be sensitive to the disciple’s need and desire to spend quality time with them.

Disciplers must guard against sending the message that says, “I am only available to lecture you.” What a disciple perceives in that is, they are your student, not your brother/sister. That approach to making disciples is very counterproductive.

A discipler must be aware that a disciple will learn and benefit as much in informal settings with them as they will in the formal teaching settings.

Be careful.

2 Cor 13:10 Therefore I write these things being absent, lest being present I should use sharpness, according to the power which the Lord hath given me to edification, and not to destruction.

At some point in the discipleship relationship, it becomes apparent to the discipler that they are admired by the disciple, the younger brother/sister in the Lord. While this is typical, it must be understood that positions of authority and influence always test and ultimately expose the true character of a person. So, the discipler must be very careful to guard against abusing their position. Being admired by others is never license to lord over them. Like the Apostle Paul, the discipler must understand that God has placed them in the role of elder brother/sister for the purpose of edification, not destruction. As the elder brother/sister to a growing disciple, the discipler is a blessing from God, as He uses them to personally escort the growing disciple into Christlikeness.

Kenny Morgan is the discipleship pastor at Midtown Baptist Temple in Kansas City, where he also leads the Life Fellowship adults class.